One year ago today I boarded an airplane for Seattle to begin my new life. One of the interesting things about moving is that it re-focuses your life, pares it down, and then when you unpack you find all sorts of things you have forgotten about.
The holiest of all holidays are those
Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;
The secret anniversaries of the heart.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Eleven years ago on July 13, 2000, my mother Patricia Schloesser lost her 12 year battle with various cancers. Pops lost his boon companion and wife of 57 years. Next month he turns 90 and he's been pissed off ever since she died; he wanted to go first. "That wasn't the plan!"
Sixty seven years ago, my father wrote this letter to my mother.
I've transcribed it to the best of my ability - and included the grammatical and spelling errors which are surprisingly few considering that English was a new language to my father. After reading this letter I was struck by how much Pops downplayed the sadness and the tragedy of his early life. The loneliness and bravery. This was a love letter, was meant to intrigue and inform, but not to scare her off. Or perhaps this is simply my interpretation through the lens of memory of the stories I heard all my life.
July 8, 1944
Dearest,
This is again one of those nice quiet Saturday afternoons. So here goes the long promised story: -
In the year of 1884, Jan. 16, Ernst Schlösser, my father was born. Sörgenloch was the name of his birthplace, al little spot in the Rhineland. His father was a small scale farmer and a cattle trader When reaching the proper age he started going to a gymnasium at Mainz, my hometown, and finished with very good grades, as he told me (probably) many times. Being from a rather poor (large) family. He immediately had to go to work in a – wine cellar. This lasted a very short time, he was not well fit for manual labor.
Now let us switch to my mother, nee Stern. Born Dec. 14, 1887 in Wieseck. Another small village in the same region. She also came from an extremely large family and thus soon went to work after her schooling, as a saleslady in Worms on the Rhine. This being very unusual for at that time it was very improper for a young lady to earn her own living. Incidentally her father died shortly after her birth. But “Mutti” (as Lolo and I called her) was quite a set woman.
(I have been covering a lot of terretory in a hurry, I hope you understand it.)
This puts us up to about 1908. Sometime around this year mother and father met. Both must have fallen for each other right away. But let us jump back to Ernst’s (my father) story. He had qualified himself for a state job. Just a low writing clerk (no typewriters at that time.) –
Berta’s (my mother) family appearently was very much against all. Why should such a beautiful young girl think of marrying such a poor no count. Berta Stern not a woman told what to do made things clear to the family and thus several supposedly “rich” uncles broke up with her.
They were engaged about five years. Married in 1913. Ernst, a very ambitious and hardworking young man slowly was working his way up. A long, hard road.
May 1914, Lolo was born. Her proper name being “Lieselotte” - In 1921 a little red skinned, long black haired fellow squeezed his way in to the world – me. Judging from the difference of age between Lolo and myself I must have been accidental. Though I was never told.
1922-23-24 have little to show for I remember little. I must have been a much nicer fellow than now, for I never cried as a baby. Lolo was very jealous and nobody was allowed to touch my baby carriage in her presence. I guess I must have been sort of a toy for her. –
1925 Dad was going up rapidly. He had a cold and sure way of working. Advancing from one office to another. (In Germany most governement jobs are not filled by people’s choice, but advancement comes automatically according to the work you put out. – His special line was social welfare, a very much developed thing in Europe.)
One thing I remember from my earliest childhood. Our Sunday hikes. Every Sunday rain or shine the whole family would take a train to the Taunus, a small mountain range nearby; we would take our lunch and hike all day. That sort of put a love of nature into me. Trees and meadows, really beautiful scenery. Even in winter we would do that. Dad enjoyed it most of all, being cooped up in the office all week (Am I boring you?)
1927 I started in school. Things at home were awfully good. We started taking summer vacations to the Swiss, after that I would usually go up to the North Sea for another month. Seems we were quite a sightseeing family. We more or less saved all year to go on a one to two months spree every year. –
Dad was more or less a family man. Mother had to persuade him to join some kind of a lodge. He would be very hesitant in going to the weekly meetings. He never hunted or played cards (me too). Seems that most of our spare time was spent in reading. All of us read, read and read. I am grateful that mother installed that hobby in my early youth. There is nothing like it! So that is the reason I don’t play cards (but I’ll try for you!)
Like many towns our city had an opera house. The whole family (except I, for I was to young) had season tickets and would go many times weekly. Lolo plays the piano most beautiful. –
All in all the cultural background was pretty good. (Makes me think a lot of your home, funny isn’t it)
1928-29-30 were spent much in the same happy manner. Undoubtedly the happiest years in our family life. We would take trips on the Rhine. Dad and Mother would take vaccations alone at times. They were very happy together. Seems like a perfect marriage, now that I look back. Such a difference in temperament. Father the calm, tactful type; Mother the extreme opposite: fast tempered and easy exited. Was there something or someone she did not care for, wham! She told them immediately. Funny between them perfect harmony (P.S. they lived in a double bed)
Started going to the Real gymnasium they pounded Latin and other dead subjects into my head. I never cared too much for school it seemed so dull. How I changed. But there is also a great difference in the U.S. educational system and the German. You had no choice of subjects and the bamboo stick was used freely in helping to educate you. I belonged to the boyscouts and developed into a regular stinker, like all bad boys that age. –
Dad had finally reached his final position “Oberverwaltungsamt”; the French army of occupation moved out. Germany started on its decline in politics.
1933 Hitler came into power and the dark side of life started. Father was discharged from the governement. Rather retired. This ment that he was to receive a monthly pension. They were uncertain times, the Nazis were cleaning house. Killing and arresting people who were on their black list. Many evenings were spent in anxiety, if everyone of the family would be back at night or perhaps dead. Here father’s previous tact and kindness to other people came in handy. He still had many friends at official posts and thus was saved from the concentration camps and eventual death.
I also noticed a change, the boys I played with six months ago, would now gang up and try to beat me up. At that time I developed the habit of keeping my mouth shut. There were many scraps and I, at 13, began to find out that being Jewish was rather painful at times.(If you have ever seen the bump on the left side of my forehead, it’s a reminder.) Nevertheless things became worse and in 1934 I had to quit the gymnasium for obvious reasons.
At that time a school was started and it was rather unusual. You see, many brilliant teachers were thrown out of colleges and higher schools, because of their religion. They got together and started a school, which was really a seat of learning. For instance one chem. teacher had written some books which were still used in all colleges. (He and his wife commited suicide in 1940.) So there was actually an advantage as far as education was concerned. We kept up our Sunday hikes and one became slowly used to the situation.
In 1936 Lolo was fortunate enough to immigrate into the U.S. It was a sad scene for apparently my parents felt that they would never see her again. But one was slowly getting used to sad scenes. My parents began to worry about what kind of future was in store for me. It was obvious that I could not take up a profession, but maybe some sort of trade?
So late in 1937 I arrived at Pirmasens to study the art of shoe designing. I did not like it, not so much the job, as the city. I was all alone, far away from home. There still were fights because of the religion and I was scared. I remember distinctly in December 1937, I was at home for a vacation, a letter from Lolo arrived. She wanted me to come over to her and had already sent the needed papers. So fate, as so many times later, had pulled me out of a big mess.
I left Mainz in April 1938 and still remember my mother leaning out of the second story window, waving. She did a good job of holding back her tears, she was a very brave woman. She had more guts than any person I have ever known. What a feeling it must have been, bringing up two children and then losing them. –
Father went up to Hamburg with me. I embarked on the S.S. Manhattan. And now as I recall, the luxury, the white bread and the rich people impressed me. I brought along a little wire-hair terrier, Lolo’s. Because of him I was allowed to go way up on the highest deck, between the towering funnels and admire the sea. (Hope we can go on the ocean some day, it’s fantastic!)
After arriving in N.Y. I made a fast friendship with my new home-country. There was something about it, that made me feel at home. Freedom. A free people look and act so different.
Here life again turned for me from darkness and oppression to light. I felt like kissing every American I met.
After a short stay in N.Y. I went to Kansas City, MO. Lolo, who in meantime had married Kurt lived there. Lolo and Kurt had known each other in Germany apparently broke up, then met again in the U.S. and were married.
After a short while I started to work. You already know the rest of the story. -----
Darling, I know that all this is a very hasty job and written in bad style. There are so many things I failed to mention, but maybe I have given you a general idea. If there are any questions about anything on your mind, please don’t fail to ask me. Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings or make me mad, you won’t! -
Guess I’ll quit for today Incidentally, do you get any days off at your camp? Or only Sundays.
My hand is getting cramps, I better quit.
I love you
Harvey
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